Friday, 3 December 2010

A moan in the snow

Sorry this is a moan in 3 parts, I was trying to get some higer quality video footage on here but that meant I had to cut it into chucks inorder for google to cope with it.

Sorry to have just moaned at you. I have just re watched what I said and I want to add a few things. I don't want you to go away from this thinking that one guys comments on you tube sparked a break down, he is entitled to his mostly true opinion and other than being a bit shocked that he took the time to find my video so he could be mean about it (how sad) I don't really feel anything. I do feel a bit thoughtful about what my life choices reveal about me though.

Porn is quite a safe place to be, if you work hard and turn up to everything you book no one is going to say anything horrible to you, its quite an insular group. But I chose to go the next step and put myself on youtube, a medium I knew is full of trolls and people with nothing better to do than voice negativity, on top of the people who will be brutally honest. What part of me as a person would deliberately do that? I have friends working on a youtube project at the moment, what kind of people am I friends with that they to are putting themselves up for a fall?

I don't have any answers, maybe I'm just a silly little girl who thinks that all it takes to have an easy life is a few videos on line and someone will come and tell me that I'm the next big thing and I'll never have to worry about money again. I hope that's not it. During the summer I put a post up on BGAFD asking if anyone had any work going in Birmingham as I needed to visit Kaz B and couldn't afford the petrol. I got a very angry message from a guy saying it was pathetic that I couldn't afford the fuel, why didn't I get a life, live in the real world and go and get a proper job. I didn't say anything at the time but what I wanted to say was why should I? I pay full taxes, do not get any government aid what so ever and never have done, I'm probably entitled to all sorts of things because my income is so low but I don't think its right that other people should pay for my choices but equally they are my choices. Its my choice to be poor and struggle with bills and food from time to time as I'd rather be poor and have the time to be myself than be richer, stable even and spend my life working in an office (I tried that for a year and it nearly did me in).

If I'm honest I probably have daddy issues (Freud eat your hear out) or something and just need to be praised. I was one of those people who was very very happy at school. I certainly didn't fit in with everybody else and was not one of the cool kids but I loved working hard and being praised by my teachers. In school I was told what to do, had to do it, then got praised for my efforts - the real world has been a real shock as now I have to know what I want to do, motivate myself to do it and then tell myself I have done a good job as no one else is paid to tell me anymore. That's been my problem since 18, I have no idea what I wanted to do. As I said I love porn, porn has filled a huge whole in my life but I'm getting to the stage where I will need more money than none if I ever want a family and I will be to old to do this soon so what comes next?

OK moan over, I promise. Things will be fine because they are always fine, Decembers just a bad month as there's alot of obligatory spending expected of me at the end and I'm yet to work out how I'm going to do it this year. You are all so lovely bothering to read my posts and especially those that take the time to add comments (my praise fix). I think that's what I really want fame wise, I don't want to be famous enough to be bothered, I just want a few people to care about my thoughts and opinions so I feel less 'dull' with my clothes on :o) xxx

  Shaytards x


  1. Social etiquette doesn't exist on youtube. The place is populated by opinionated prudes who post vacuous comments. Jesus, I shouldn't even give them excuse of being prudes, arrogance is better suited.
    He has the right to voice his opinion though his motivations for doing so are somewhat suspect. I've disciplined myself – I never read comments on any video (I have no work that can be critiqued) because I know the comments won't resonate with me. To summarise – Youtube is a juvenile playground full of puerility, so never ever let comments (on there) deter you.

    As for your life – If pornography makes you happy, then pornography it is. You may want to ponder what you are going to do post-porn, unless you intend to stay in the industry till death do you part.
    Bare Essentials is a perfectly credible idea. Perhaps you could be the driving force behind a UK version of NakedNews (if it doesn't already exist).

    Consider this – I (like 99.9% of people) am dull with my clothes on AND off.

    There's a 100% chance this post rambles about nothing – I'm not adept at replying to long posts with long posts of my own – I.e I'm forcing a response. There's no fluency, upload some sort of instant messaging service lazy :S.

    Kaplan (your friendly neighbourhood misanthrope)

  2. head's spinning with possibilities.

    When you decide to give up being a pornstar, you're already proving to be adept behind the camera too. I bet you'd be welcomed into the Abby Winters team who I understand are all women... imagine living in Australia, a decent wage, filming all those gorgeous girls, the sunshine... need I go on?

    However, you are also very entertaining, yes even with your clothes on, so I could see you making it as a presenter on television. My feeling is on documentaries a la Julia Bradbury?

    Anyway I could go on, but it's probably boring reading for everyone else

    Stay warm

    Grendel xx

  3. Masie,

    Clothes on , clothes off 'dull' is not an adjective I'd ever consider applying to you. You are enchanting, beautiful, articulate, loquacious, witty, a pleasure to listen to, even when having a 'moan'.
    I wouldn't give much credence to negative comments you read it's all very easy for those of us on this side, in splendid anonymity, to give vent to our inner curmudgeon.

    Just to say I think you've made a lot of friends over at Abbywinters, a superb shoot.

    take care

    tom x

  4. Kaplan, firstly thankyou for being the first to answer me in full although I don't believe for a minute that your a misanthrope (even a friendly one). May I reassure you that I got a great deal out of your response and found it to be coherent and sensibly written.

    Tom and Dave I would love to gate crash my way into camp Abbey Winters but for now at least they have a full and amazing team and I can't see me talking the dog into moving to Amsterdamn anytime soon. However that doesnt hault the posibilities of me working for a similar new venture here, I just need to refind my drive to start these new ventures.

    Knowing that I have people watching my every move, while supporting me has given me a real extra boost. I feel that next time I have an idea so long as you know the planned schedual I cant posibly fail as I now trust you to nag me in fact I shall be cross if you don't.

    Seriously thankyou, truley

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